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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127477">No way around but through</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan'>NatalieRyan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [20]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MacGyver (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Disability, Gen, Hurt Mac, Jack pov, Jack stays, Mac Whump, Meltdown, Nerve Damage, Sandbox fic AU, Whump, Whumptober 2020, and arms, breakdown - Freeform, limited use of hands, loss of dexterity, medical discharge from the Army</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:09:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Seeing Mac lying in a hospital bed back on base, wrapped in bandages and looking even frailer and younger than before, Jack asked himself why he had to go and attach himself to the kid? He had so many other comrades and brothers in arms he'd lost during his service. But no one quite amounted to the meaning and place in his life as the weird kid with the silly hamburger name had and Jack didn't have an answer to his own question.<em></em></em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Dalton &amp; Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [20]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No way around but through</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1ghtshade/gifts">N1ghtshade</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabbyStarlight/gifts">SabbyStarlight</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TetrodotoxinB/gifts">TetrodotoxinB</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Today's fic comes to you at 8.5k words and it's a little monster that escaped my hands once it went officially over 3k.<br/>It's a Sandbox AU fic where Mac and Jack were still paired up, but they didn't get out of the Army on regular discharge, but with medical, and why, you'll discover once you start reading. Mainly, Mac gets kidnapped, and tortured, and as a result of that he loses movement/dexterity and has some nerve damage on his hands/arms.<br/>Thank you SabbyStarlight for giving me the original idea to go with a Sandbox fic for this day.<br/>Thank you Tetro for talking to me about stress positions and helping me with clearing up some stuff about what they do to the joints. You've been of such a huge help.<br/>Thank you altshmerzes for the coffee bar tips and info. <br/>Thank you Thistle for listening to me talk about this fic idea back when it was just a tiny thing my brain cooked up, as well as pointing out to me the things I really wanted to highlight. And as always, thanks for the beta.<br/>Now without further ado, bring some tissues and on to the reading process.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back when Jack Dalton met Angus MacGyver he never imagined that he would feel such a fierce protection and unconditional love for the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As EODs went, MacGyver had zero self-preservation and charged into situations head first, just by a hunch. Jack had to admit that the kid was right most of the time and Jack was grateful because they prevented lots of tragedies thanks to Mac's fast brain and his skills. Granted, Mac was young, younger than Jack was used to with his previous techs, but he didn't mind that. Mac made up for his age with lots of random knowledge and his ability to improvise. Jack was constantly amazed by the ability the kid had to disarm a bomb with tin foil and a lighter using Jack’s sat phone's battery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Jack and the team worked their way to the insurgents' compound, on high alert for any activity, Jack prayed that they'd get to Mac in time and that he'd get to tell Mac that he was sorry he wasn't there and that Mac got taken when it happened. They were just about to be paired to head off to work when Mac was taken, four days ago. Jack hadn't slept in over 36 hours, and he was on edge, maybe too wired after he drowned the whole pot of coffee this morning. But the intel was solid and he was like a dying man in the desert, pun not intended, that looked forward to finding the oasis that would keep him alive for just long enough to make it out somewhere less dry and hot. And he was done being sedated and told to calm the fuck down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His team each took a position in front and the back of the compound. They decided that breeching at night would give them the element of surprise and lead to successful capture of the hostiles and a possibility of saving Mac. If he was even still alive. But Jack wasn't going to dwell on it. He was getting Mac out, one way or another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was the first one through the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jack met Mac it was barely two weeks after the death of Alfred Peña, Mac's mentor. He died in an explosion, courtesy of The Ghost and one of the bombs The Ghost was known for. They were both on rotation and while Mac stayed outside to repair their robot tech, Peña got inside the house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Jack read all of this in a report, right when he was assigned to the weird bomb tech with the beef name. Which, once Jack said it out loud it really felt wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who named a kid Angus nowadays? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They started off with a fight, the kid messing with Jack's stuff and Jack going off at Mac because he did that. They had a tussle - who was Jack kidding, the kid almost kicked his ass - until they were interrupted and introduced. It was to both of their dismay that they were paired. Of course Jack knew the kid from before on rotations and sometimes working in the same areas. But Jack never actually met Mac. The kid was too weird for his taste and Jack was already tired from this place and was thinking of this being his last tour. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn't take long for Jack to realize that there was more to his newly assigned partner than just being weird. The longer they worked together, the more Jack uncovered even though Mac almost never revealed things voluntarily. Jack knew how to read people. And he was determined to crack the enigma by the name of Angus MacGyver. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They went from “Carl's Jr.” to “Mac” in about two months. It took Jack stepping on a pressure plate and Mac saving his life just seconds away from the timer hitting zero. Jack still remembered the moment when he realized that there was more to Mac than just his name, being weird and all around aloof. The kid had a talent, he had skills, and most of all he had a heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack started seeing Mac in a new light from then on, he was more comfortable to talk with Mac and Mac gradually opened about himself and his life before the Army. It wasn't much, because Mac shared breadcrumbs of his life where Jack shared apple pies about his life at the ranch, his family and what he planned on doing once his tour was up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't give too much thought back when he and Mac talked about home and what they looked forward to when they were finally done with their tours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was always tight lipped and Jack had to pry it out of him that Mac's only family was a guy named Wilt Bozer who was Mac's best friend. And Jack could tell that the kid joined the Army because of the sense of not belonging anywhere. He tried MIT for a bit and when that didn't work out, he just outright joined the Army, thinking he would make a difference. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack watched as the light got slowly snuffed out in Mac's eyes with every new day they spent in the desert, and Jack already had some fifteen years over the kid's age and experience to add to his own views and nightmares. Mac was too young to watch the horrors of war. But since they were both there and paired up, after that almost ill fated moment, Jack took it upon himself to be there for Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They forged a bond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Mac lying in a hospital bed back on base, wrapped in bandages and looking even frailer and younger than before, Jack asked himself why he had to go and attach himself to the kid? He had so many other comrades and brothers in arms he'd lost during his service. But no one quite amounted to the meaning and place in his life as the weird kid with the silly hamburger name had and Jack didn't have an answer to his own question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was something about Mac, Jack couldn't tell you what, but something about the kid just changed Jack. Before Mac, Jack didn't have much of a purpose. His life was pretty dark at that point and he was steadily getting himself set up for a spiral. He wouldn't go as far as saying that the kid saved his life from taking a different turn, but it damn near felt like it and Jack would forever be grateful God gave him his bomb nerd. Mac gave Jack a purpose, a new meaning in life. Protecting the kid gave him a different view on things and he learned a lot of random facts through the kid's ramblings as he worked on disarming a bomb or creating a distraction when the situation called for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack still had to get the reason why Mac wouldn't use a gun out of the kid, and it was weird thinking about it while Mac was practically on a deathbed. But seeing Mac like this put some things into perspective for Jack. Like the fact that there were so many things he planned to ask Mac about and tell Mac about himself and other important things Jack wanted to share. He really hoped that he'd get to tell Mac about all of it, and that he'd get to have Mac in his life for a little bit longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wasn't sure if he deserved Mac and his kindness, but for as long as he was alive and able, he swore to be there for the kid and he planned on keeping that promise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wookie life debt wasn't just empty words. When Jack promised something, he meant it. And he wasn't gonna stop just now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Mac was taken, Jack flipped. And it wasn't just yelling and swearing and cursing. He outright lost it, kicking and screaming and sobbing as he was held down from doing much more damage than a kicked chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Mac in the blackmail videotape that was emailed to their team served as the tipping point for Jack. His guilt that he wasn't there when Mac was kidnapped and not sleeping, worried led to him just… having a breakdown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he knew that everyone wondered about his reaction. They all thought he hated the kid, and only after Jack broke into tears and heaved sobs in anguish and despair did they realize just how much Jack cared for the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone stuck a syringe in him as Jack was losing it and he didn't remember anything until he woke up the next day and was told that someone would come to talk to him about what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They should have known that Jack wasn't going to listen. He was going to work on getting Mac back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words in the blackmail video were directed at all of them, loud and clear. The group that kidnapped Mac didn't joke around. They didn't ask for ransom, so it was clear they took him in retaliation. So they had to choose.  Either they went to retrieve their bomb tech or they risked them fucking Mac up beyond repair, maybe even killing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting next to Mac's bed and looking at Mac's bandaged arms and wrists told Jack that they saved Mac, but not exactly sure what the cost was. The doctor on base wasn't a huge optimist about the state of Mac's hands. Admittedly Mac was tortured extensively. But no one could tell the extent of his injuries and what could they mean. But as Jack explained to the doctor how they found Mac, the doc started rattling off a bunch of things in medical jargon Jack had trouble following. But Jack wasn't stupid, he was aware that things weren't much hopeful for Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After they settled Mac in a room and they allowed Jack to sit with him, the doctor came and explained to Jack about being tied up in stress positions. Jack knew something about that from his training, but never came up close and personal with them. Apparently Mac spent a certain amount of time being tied up in one of those positions judging by the outside look on things. Of course, the doctor also told Jack that Mac would have to be tested so the extent of the damage could be determined, but Jack could see it in the doctor's eyes that Mac almost certainly had suffered a lot and that nothing would be the same from now on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack dreaded the moment. He hoped and prayed that Mac would wake up soon, that he'd open his blue eyes and look at Jack and Jack could tell him how proud he was of Mac. That he held on for so long and didn't give up and that Jack came for him. That he was important to Jack, more than Jack even knew himself. That Jack was going to be there every step of the way, no matter what and that he'd fight tooth and nail for Mac. That he would be there to bear the brunt and that Mac would be able to count on him because hell would freeze over before Jack gave up on Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was too important to him to just give up. Jack was going to stay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor monitored the function of the kidneys because it was important to keep an eye out, especially in the case of stress positions. The doctor explained furthermore, and Jack was amazed with himself at how much he actually remembered considering he was worried and stressing over Mac's health. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The doc's words were ringing in his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It's important to monitor the kidneys and their function, Sgt. Dalton. I'm assuming that the stress position he was kept in was prolonged and prolonged stress position could lead to death. That's why we'll carefully monitor the way his kidneys process fluids. Tissue breakdown releases proteins into the blood that the kidneys can't process right out. They build up and can lead to kidney failure.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was hoping that whatever the docs planned on doing, that they'd help Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Mac was stabilized, he was ready to be transported to the military hospital Walter Reed. On home ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack felt bittersweet about the whole thing. He wasn't gonna miss the desert and the hell he was seeing every day. He actually looked forward to going back home. Just not like this. Not with his bomb nerd that was more dead than alive and Jack fucked up to all hell and after a psych eval and pressure from the top brass (one of the guys Jack helped once was adamant they discharge Jack together with Mac), Jack found himself on the same military transport they shipped Mac out on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack never left Mac's side even when they took him to the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he was settled in a room, the monitoring continued. They were looking out for possible infection, as well as possible development of pneumonia thanks to the waterboarding Mac endured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was feverish and for a while there Jack was scared that the fever was going to break Mac down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the third day in the hospital, Mac's fever broke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack breathed a sigh of relief as one of the dangers was no more. But Mac was still not out of the woods, yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack stopped counting the days. He spent every available moment awake with Mac and until he was forced to go eat and shower, he was reluctant to leave. He was also supposed to visit a psychiatrist at least twice a week as part of his deal and ultimatum to be released shortly before his tour was up. And Jack signed on it so it wasn't like he could escape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack went through the motions and did his part, enough to get by and to keep afloat. He would do everything if it meant he got to spend more time with the kid and help him with his recovery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took a while before Mac woke up on his own. He wasn't in a medically induced coma or anything else, but the doc (the other doc at Walter Reed since it was different than the doc on base) told Jack that Mac's body was probably trying to catch up and let him rest. Jack didn't understand because he was sure that Mac would hurt all over from being stuck in a bed for so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was only left to watch, and keep a vigil over his partner. He should have probably told his mom or sister or just right about anyone from his family that he was back stateside. But they would all ask how he was and probably ask him to go back to Texas, and Jack wasn't sure that was what he wanted at this point. He should have called Bozer as well, but that wasn't on his mind either. Too many things at once weren't a bad thing back in the day. Now they easily overwhelmed him. So Jack decided to focus on one thing at a time. Take care of Mac. They could think about everything else later.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Mac finally woke up, it wasn't exactly to a world of pain because of the meds he was on. But Jack knew exactly when Mac figured out something was wrong by the way the doctor ordered more tests and spent time checking his hands and arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac didn't have time to panic or to ask Jack what was wrong, that much Jack could see in those blue, haunted eyes. And Jack didn't even have time to talk with Mac about what happened or ask how he was truly feeling before Mac was whisked away for tests, bloodwork, and the likes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was two days later when the doc gave the final verdict. What everyone suspected back in base and what definitely secured Mac a discharge from the Army.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hands were fucked up beyond repair. Jack couldn't remember much past the initial shock that his little bomb nerd that always relied on his hands wasn't going to be able to do that anymore. It all depended on physical therapy, but the doctors were pretty sure that Mac lost a large chunk of being able to move his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was more medical jargon thrown around, explaining and trying to translate words into words Jack would understand. Jack wasn't stupid even though people liked to assume he was. He let them believe he was. But in fact he was smart and understood more than people gave him credit for. But the state of his mind, plus being tired of life itself, plus the worry led to Jack not really processing words so they had to be "dumbed down" for him. Something Mac fondly called "Jack-speak" whenever Jack asked Mac to translate some of the more technical terms the kid used while talking and disarming bombs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was going to miss that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the doc explained to Jack, the damage to Mac's hands was essentially due to the position and stretching. Since they had no idea how long and in what position he was in, they could only assume, but the doc was sure that it wasn't longer than 24 hours. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Otherwise we would have looked at a bigger damage than this, Jack."</span>
  </em>
  <span> The doc told him. Jack didn't feel comfortable for him to be called Sergeant anymore or even Mister or Sir. Those reminded him of his dad. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Essentially the damage to his arms and hands is due to the joint stretching and decreased blood flow. With decreased blood flow there's also decreased oxygen to the joint. And that leads to tissue damage. With the joint it actually stretches once the muscles are no longer able to support it and the nerves that run through the joint get stretched until they are damaged. My best guess is that they left him in that position and he wasn't able to hold himself upright anymore and once he gave up on holding himself up, it gave way to the muscles to relax so they weren't that tightly locked. Jt's when the real damage happened.”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two days after Mac woke up and the doc had conclusive tests (that yes, Mac indeed suffered damage to his hands), he decided to tell Mac the news. Jack kinda guessed Mac knew, Mac was always smart above the average level and no matter how many times people tried to placate him, he was able to read through someone trying to lie to him or try to calm him down. Jack suspected it was because of people trying to do the same as a kid. It wasn't much, but Mac once mentioned (nonchalantly) that his father left on Mac's tenth birthday and if Jack had to guess, a lot of how Mac viewed things in life was partially caused by his father leaving Mac when he did; and whoever was left around they didn't do much of a good job to minimize the damage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was kicked out when the doc came in and Jack would have kicked up a fuss, but one look at Mac and his unresponsive eyes told him that maybe Jack should do as the doctor asked. He hated to leave Mac alone, it was as much for his benefit as it was for Mac's. Jack needed the close contact, the reassurance that Mac was alive and breathing and not dead, that Jack didn't escort a casket, but a living, breathing person back to the States. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack leaned against the wall as the doc spoke with Mac, and yes, just as Jack guessed, tried to placate him and tell Mac that things weren't as bad as they looked and that recovery would be painful, but manageable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wanted to open the door and say to hell with it, get in the doc's face and tell him to just go with the truth. That his kid (when the hell did Jack start to think of Mac as his kid?) was looking forward to months of physical therapy and relearning to use his hands with limited mobility and dexterity. That he won't be able to work with anything remotely connected to using his hands. That the kid's hands were important to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack just wanted for the doc to not hold off on how things were just to keep Mac calm, think that he was preventing a bigger damage, not knowing that Mac could read him and his words for what they were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To not dish out hope where there could not be hope if things take a worse turn. Because the facts were those that Mac was just slowly coming back to being awake and aware after he was being tortured for days and then spent weeks in the hospital. He went from independent and active young man to someone that would have to relearn to use his hands to what extent he could and make adjustments to his life. Mac looked forward to so much other than the physical aspect of healing, Jack didn't even want to think about right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack came back to the room once the doc was out. And in hindsight, Jack should have seen this coming. It was possibly a long time in the making with how stressed and overworked they were. Jack wouldn't have recognized what it was since it was different for everyone, but he just knew that Mac was headed for a meltdown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack watched from the side, crying himself, feeling helpless and wishing that he was there with Mac so he would have been taken and tortured as well. If not for anything else, but to take away the pain from Mac. God only knew Jack deserved it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack could hear his therapist's voice in his head telling him that self deprecation wasn't a way to heal, but when it came between him and the kid, Jack would prefer himself to be the hurt one. Mac was too young to experience this shit. Jack was the one that was supposed to get hurt and keep Mac from being hurt. Jack was aware he wasn't going to be able to shield Mac from everything bad in the world, aware the kid had seen and felt some of those bad things. That didn't mean Jack felt less responsible to make sure Mac wasn't hurt worse and if he was hurt for it to be minimal and without Mac being too much pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack wiped the tears off his cheeks and slowly approached the bed and then said to hell with it and he pulled Mac in a hug. He didn't know what to expect, maybe for Mac to lash out, scream, yell, anything. What he didn't expect was for Mac to sob like never before, on the verge of hyperventilating and Jack to have to hold him as Mac flipped. Mac didn't quite lose it like Jack did before, but it was close. Jack just hoped that he'd know how to handle it from now on. He was going to do everything in his power to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both assigned to a therapist outside of the hospital for further sessions. Jack knew what was coming even before he was told. Mac seemed to have resigned himself. There were good moments and then there were days when the most Jack got out of Mac was an angry yell of frustration. Jack expected that, it wasn't easy to watch and try to help, it couldn't have been easy to live it. For it to become Mac's new reality, a disability that threatened to make his partner, his best friend into someone Jack couldn't recognize anymore from how bitter and mad he was at the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a normal reaction, though, so Jack steeled himself in and fought for both of them. He knew things were going to take a different turn when Mac was going to realize that he wasn't the Mac from before. That things changed and that there was no magic wand to take them back and prevent this from happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was getting tired, though. For months things were stagnating between him and Mac. Jack couldn't tell if Mac wanted him around or if Mac tolerated him because he was stubborn enough not to leave even though most people would by now. Not tired of Mac, don't get him wrong, he wasn't going to ever get tired of Mac. Tired of seeing the same dejected and empty look in Mac's eyes time and again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac lived alone in LA, in his grandpa's house that he inherited after his grandpa died. Jack learned that one day when they had a rare bonding time over family. And after being released they headed to LA, to that house. Jack asked Mac where he wanted to go, he was ready to drive them home to Texas even, but Mac was adamant in his decision to go back home to LA. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't dare ask about Bozer, if Mac wanted to notify his friend of his return. Somewhere along the way Jack called his mom, but that was all that was to it. He refused to go back home to Texas and leave Mac. Something wasn't letting him to let Mac out of his sight. And it wasn't that he didn't trust Mac to be able to manage, but he wanted to be of help, to be useful. He didn't know what he could do other than being in the Army, or even possibly working in law enforcement. But at this point in life and after what Jack was seeing for years, he wasn't sure he was ready to go back to that life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack had quite the savings from his time overseas, never spending too much on himself. Growing up poor had something to do with it, and Jack wasn't used to spending a lot. Learning how to get by with what his family had was the way he led himself in life forty something years later, hence the savings. He should have tried for a job, but honestly his head wasn't in it. He just wanted not to think, not to dwell on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he had to admit that once they arrived in LA, he was ready to compromise with Mac regarding help. He didn't want to impose, but it was clear that with Mac being stubborn and refusing to get around, it was bound for Mac to really need that help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was confused and at a crossroads. The first time he came back home from a tour, it was hell to adjust back to civilian life. He imagined that it was going to be twice as hard for Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Jack didn't expect was for Mac to ask Jack if he wanted to stay with Mac. In Mac's house. Jack wanted nothing more than to do just that, he had to admit he wasn't going to feel okay if he was separated from the kid. Plus Mac looked hopeful for a few moments and Jack agreed. He couldn't resist the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a win-win situation, really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't know if the acceptance to Mac's offer was the turning point, but something changed with Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jack didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He had to admit that he stayed up late often reading about disabilities and how people dealt with it, lived with it and how they learned to adjust. He wanted to understand how he should approach Mac now that it was clear that Mac was going to be different than before in his limited abilities in using his hands. Jack suspected the transition wouldn't be smooth, and he tried to prepare himself as much as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as with meltdowns and everything else in life, every person was different. Jack had no idea what to expect about how Mac would approach this, the lack of movement and the nerve damage in his hands were going to be a hindrance more than not until Mac adjusted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow Jack felt that he was supposed to discuss these things with Mac. But after everything that happened and Mac's reluctance to just acknowledge the elephant in the room, Jack balked at the idea to agitate his partner more than Mac already was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack's best guess was to play it on a hunch and give Mac his choice since it wasn't Mac's choice to be grabbed and tortured. Certainly not his fault that he ended up scarred worse than any of them expected. And most scars weren't visible. Jack knew that better than anyone, with the years of PTSD piling up on him that could very well serve as additional years to his job experience so far. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, Jack's thoughts returned back to his endless hours of research and reading on how to help Mac or at least try to. And if this was just a change to appease Jack and secretly Mac was falling into a bigger spiral… Jack had no idea how to see if that was the case. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That first night Jack slept into one of the guest bedrooms. Or at least he tried to. Sleep eluded him and he ended up tossing and turning all night. The temperature was warm, nothing too constricting and Jack actually stripped to his boxers when it would have taken him a lot more in other circumstances to strip and sleep shirtless. He never gave it too much thought, because his scars were a part of him and who he was at this point. Plus they werea sign that he survived. But ever since this happened with Mac, Jack felt self conscious about the way he looked with his scars. He was still having the same opinion on them, just was more aware of them and how he viewed them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At around 3pm Jack gave up on sleep, just closing his eyes and trying to calm down and breathe. Something his therapist said during one of their sessions and it stuck with Jack was that even if he couldn't sleep, he should close his eyes and try to rest. It was better than nothing and Jack had to admit that that tactic helped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps he couldn't sleep because of not being familiar with the space. Jack was pretty fast to adjust to his surroundings. But for some reason he couldn't do it now. He probably needed more time. It wasn't like he had somewhere else to be, he definitely had time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the morning, Jack was met with the scent of coffee permeating the air of the house. He was pleasantly surprised when a mug full of hot coffee was waiting for him on the kitchen counter. Mac was pouring coffee for himself, clearly noticing that Jack entered the kitchen and after he was done, he put the pot away and turned around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't expect for the coffee to taste so good and just the way he liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, this is really good, Mac. Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac smiled at him and Jack's heart caught in his throat with the swell of emotions he had for Mac and that he was willing to move forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been so long since Jack saw Mac smile like that, Jack couldn't actually remember the last time when it happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac looked gaunt and with bags under his eyes, and bruises permanently settling under his eyes that looked like someone was beating him every day. Jack never thought he'd see a smile out of Mac again after Mac looked sad and exhausted all the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hair was longer than Jack had seen it ever since they were paired up and Mac was sporting a beard that after Jack wondering if the kid could grow one, he was surprised to see that not just Mac could grow a beard, but he looked damn good with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps the beard and hair could use a little trimming to get rid of some of the dead hairs, but that was for later. One step at a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Jack? Can we talk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, bud.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will give you the grand tour once we talk. I want to, uh, talk about a few things with you if that's okay with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you need, Mac. I have nowhere else to be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, can we move to the deck? I, uh, also, I know this will come as a surprise, but I went to the bakery at the corner and got us breakfast. If you want to, can we eat as well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes of course. Lead the way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you have a deck? You failed to mention that dude. That's awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac chuckled and as he climbed the stairs to the deck and Jack followed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I knew you'd get excited over the deck I would have mentioned it before to lure you in.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack grinned at Mac's comment and then promptly gasped when he noticed the firepit and the view. The view to most of LA was magnificent and Jack looked forward to spending mornings and nights just gazing out of the deck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The really selling point should be the skylight that you can access from my room, but that's for later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac carefully moved to the table that was out of the way but big enough for them to both have space and still be in each other's proximity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack let Mac handle things at his own pace. He could wait, it wasn't like the food was going to disappear. And if that little accomplishment helped Mac to see things differently then so be it. Jack wasn't going to rain on Mac and trying to do something by himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They started on the food and after a while Mac stopped eating and looked at Jack as if he tried to find words and how to start talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat and subconsciously he put his hands in his lap. Then he looked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“First I want to apologize for the way I've been treating you lately.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mac, you don't have to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, let me finish, Jack.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Jack nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>”I know this is harder for you, too and that you didn't sign up for this when they assigned you to be my overwatch. I actually am not sure why you decided to stick with me after everything, but I want you to know that I appreciate it. Even though I haven't shown that. I do. Appreciate you, I mean.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac took a deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I've been difficult and that I haven't been fair to you. To myself. And everyone else, although I don't think the doc and the nurses mind me being grumpy. They are used to that behavior all the time. It doesn't make it acceptable, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway. I wanted to apologize. I know that I let my… disability cloud my judgment. I tried to come to terms with not being able to use my hands as well as I could before. In the grand scheme of things, it could have been worse. And that's not something I want to dwell on, but just a fact.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack waited Mac out. It was clear Mac wanted to get everything off his chest. And Jack was going to grant him that wish. After months of going between little to zero verbal interaction, Mac's voice was like a balm on Jack's soul. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, I have no idea why you stayed. But recently I realized that I've been shutting you out and unless I'm wrong you mean well and I am grateful that you didn't leave. I've been talking to Dr. Monroe. Was actually attending our sessions contrary to popular belief.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac chuckled and Jack could feel something loosen up in Mac.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coulda fooled me, hoss.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac was smiling again and Jack felt like things could take an upturn after all. Mac sounded like he was making a genuine effort and not just for the sake of Jack. It looked like Mac wanted to try for himself first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doc and I talked a lot. I know it may come off as a shock, it is to me too, but it actually helps. And it helped me put some things into perspective. Helped me come to terms that things are going to be different from now on and that it's going to be awhile until I have everything even remotely in control again. But that it's okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's okay not to be okay, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm starting to see that. I'm still not there, but things start to make much more sense the way they are now. You helped as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not sure how, but I'll take that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By being yourself. You don't give yourself enough credit, Jack. And I don't think you realize you are doing it, but you put yourself down often enough for me to notice that you are not doing it consciously, but it's part of you for so long that you just roll with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I told you you are so damn perceptive?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once or twice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to know why I stayed? Because of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was done keeping things inside, he was going to tell Mac how he actually felt about the whole thing and he didn't want for Mac to have to guess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I decided before you were even taken. I was coming up on my last days of my tour and was wondering if you'd like to keep in contact because I… well I'm going to have to be very selfish with this. That don't make it less true, though. I wanted to keep having you in my life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You turned my life around. I don't know how you did it, but you made me wanna stick around. And I know I have nothing to prove that with. But I made a promise to you while you were out and I plan on keeping it. I may as well say it out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm not leaving ya'. Not a chance. Again, I know you don't have ground to believe me since you have a history of people choosing not to stay. But I mean it, Mac. I am not doing it out of mercy or pity. I would have stayed even if your hands weren't fucked up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I somehow had a feeling you weren't pitying me. Because if you had, you were going to push and insist. Yet, you left it to me. And that, that speaks more than any words could. Thank you, Jack.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should thank each other and keep it at that, huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glad to have it all out, Jack smiled as he finished breakfast. It was far from going back to normal, but it was the first step in the right direction. And by Mac letting Jack to stay and be there, Jack planned on keeping his promise and help Mac anyway he needed Jack to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking about my hands, the doc also told me that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and at this point I'm not comfortable, yet, to go and get a haircut. Maybe you could trim my hair and help with the beard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack read the plea underneath that wasn't said out loud, but Mac wanted to feel normal again and at least a bit in control with the way he looked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I did my sister's hair for a long time so I'm sort of an expert.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac smiled again and Jack felt lighter than he did in a long while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had both good and bad days from then on. Sometimes Mac was having more bad than good days, but they managed. Encouraged by his therapist, Mac shared more of his inner turmoil with Jack. Trying to come to terms with what happened, with being tortured and exhausted to the point where he couldn't hold on anymore and gave in to the sleep. How he was beaten, waterboarded and left to hang around. Not being able to quite reach the ground, trying to keep himself on his toes to alleviate the burning in his arms, especially the shoulders because of the weird position. Mac told him about how the rope cut into his wrists and his arms burned with the effort of holding himself up so he let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both talked about the guilt. Mac for being unable to hold on for longer before he allowed the exhaustion to claim him and Jack for not being there with Mac when Mac was kidnapped. They discussed their fears and their regrets, constantly trying to adjust to life, not letting life knock them around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack couldn't have imagined his life to be like this six months ago, but he wouldn't have traded staying for Mac with anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Along the way Mac decided that he should call Bozer. They reconnected and caught up on things. Bozer brought around a friend from work that was the closest friend he got after Mac. Her name was Riley Davis and soon enough the four of them formed a tight knit group in a short time. They hung around, forged a friendship and the most important thing for Jack out of all was that neither Bozer or Riley were bothered by Mac being slow with using his hands. Jack had often called Mac the slowest bomb nerd he was paired up with. He couldn't bring himself to actually say that again. He was afraid that a comment like that could be taken in the wrong meaning now so he refrained from saying that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as life went and with their current predicament, there were changes that had to be made like change of wardrobe for Mac, something that wouldn't require much effort to get him frustrated fast, as well as Velcro shoes because at this point tying up shoes was a hindrance and Mac struggled a lot with it. And it wasn't something he wanted to ask Jack to help with. Jack could see it in his eyes and posture. Mac was willing to concede for some things. But eventually he had to do things on his own no matter how much Jack wanted to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were some exercises he had to do in the spare time to keep constant mobility. Jack even got a stress ball for Mac to get his frustration on and exercise his hands at the same time. It was a big moment, but Mac actually liked Jack's gift and often used the ball. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still had limited movement and often didn't feel much with his hands like when something was too hot or too cold so he relied mostly on feeling with the rest of his body that wasn't damaged and trying things by being careful to blow on them first before trying them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac's hands often shook with tremors and he regularly dropped things, but no one was getting annoyed with him for it. It was normal and nothing would have changed the fact if anyone got to yell at him for being slow. Mac was making progress after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After almost a year since they were discharged, Mac and Jack had a nice morning stroll. It was fall and the leaves were crunching under their feet. Mac told Jack that he was fond of working out in the morning, but since he was limited in the choice of workout exercises as well, they settled on morning walks. Jack enjoyed getting some fresh air in the mornings and just getting to unplug his brain from worries. He was sure Mac was as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both in a good mood, their bad days were very far and few lately, and they decided on a whim to get coffee to warm up a bit before they started walking back home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They got inside the coffee shop and ordered. They were told to wait to the side and that they'd be called when their order was ready. Mac was debating between getting a plain black coffee or some of the more complicated drinks with names he couldn't even pronounce that somehow appealed to him. But also Jack could guess that Mac would go for black simply because it was the surest way to get Mac's brain in gear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack ordered a cappuccino, feeling bold this morning and as they waited, Jack checked the perimeter. There were some things he couldn't shake, like always checking every entry and exit point and calculating the time it'd take from one point to the other. He was doing that when their orders were called in. Jack let Mac bring them the cups and he was proud that his kid managed to get Jack's cup to him without spilling the coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They moved to the assortments spot, Mac eager to get sugar and cream into his. Jack was always amazed at how sweet the kid liked his coffee, but he just shook with his head and got a packet of sugar for his own and stirred. He would have offered to get Mac's sorted out as well, but again, Mac was on a roll and Mac had to do things on his own, it was important to him so Jack stayed away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until Mac spilled some of the cream on the counter and frantically tried to grab a napkin to wipe it. Then Mac dropped a packet of sugar and he bent to collect it off of the floor when there was an audible sigh from behind Mac. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anytime this year would be great.” the man behind Mac spoke up. Mac froze in place and he looked up with wild eyes at Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man didn't stop just with that, and Jack knew that if the guy didn't shut up, he'd have to test how much he still was good with his right hook. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he jinxed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I'm talking to you. Quit hogging the counter, I don't have time to wait for you to finish reading your fortune in coffee grounds or whatever the hell you're doing. Just move it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac looked genuinely distressed now and Jack wanted nothing more than to take Mac with him and go back home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't have all day to stand around and wait for you to finish with your coffee. Some of us have to actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>work</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack saw red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, stop it. You'll get your turn to get your coffee doctored to your tastes. Just let him finish his.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The suit (Jack referred to him as that because of the suit he wore) turned to Jack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you, his lawyer?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm his best friend and I'd appreciate it if you show some respect to him because not everyone is able to be as fast as you are. Some people just can't.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is even wrong with him to not be able to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurry it up, Princess</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You have lead in your hands?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac flinched bodily at the comment and to Jack's horror he saw tears glistening in Mac's eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but his hands are not okay. He has limited movement in them. He is trying his best and sometimes he is even better at that than I am, Mr. I'm going to be late for work. So quit yapping and let him get his coffee sorted out. The faster you let go, the faster you'll get your own.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack nudged Mac and smiled. Mac added the two packets of sugar and stirred, then moved around to where he and Jack spotted a free place on the counter next to the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack heard the guy murmuring something along the way of “there's literally nothing wrong with his hands” and really, he shouldn't have been bothered, but hey, the guy stepped on his toes with that comment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, most scars aren't visible on the outside.” Jack spoke up and several other people turned their heads in his direction, including the suit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can't see them, but they are there. And you may not understand that, but people should not be shamed for whatever it is that prevents them from functioning like they normally would if they weren't in that situation. I hope you all learn that and keep it close to yourselves.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack was about to turn around and join Mac when he added one more thing for good measure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh and, no one goes around broadcasting trauma."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack didn't stay to listen to the comments and words after that, instead deciding he had enough fools for today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sipped their coffee in silence. Well Jack was, Mac had his hands wrapped around his cup, keeping them there. There was a slight tremor in them, not very visible, but there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Jack finally caved in and asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I'm good.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about back there. I couldn't let him badmouth you. Sorry if I overstepped.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jack felt one of Mac's hands touch his and squeeze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jack.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you are not bothered by it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By what you told that guy? No, I'm not. I wish I didn't freeze and put you in that kind of situation.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn't. I just couldn't let him just assume.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's okay. It actually felt nice to not have to try and explain to people about what's wrong with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here's where you are wrong, hoss. Nothing's wrong with you. You are just not able to use your hands the way you used to. You are not broken or anything in the likes. You've overcome the worst and bounced back. You didn't give up. And I'm so damn proud of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shush, you'll make me cry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only the truth, Mac. You know I won't stand for injustice and people being dicks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Thank you.“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they finished their coffee, Mac was the first one out of the door and Jack followed. They started walking back home and Mac walked closer to Jack than he usually would. Jack felt warmer because of it, the implicit trust Mac had in him to let Jack still be around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I bet you could totally make us some sandwiches when we get home. I'm getting a little hungry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure it's not because you are scared you'll get the wrong bagel again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was one time, Mac. But yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mac grinned at him and Jack grinned back. There would be many people like the guy at the coffee shop, and even more situations that would put a dent into their mood. But Jack was going to be there for Mac and they were going to tackle things like a team. Just like always. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were back home and Mac made them sandwiches, careful not to cut himself in the process, Mac asked Jack if the offer to go to Texas for a visit was still standing, an offer Jack made way back in the Sandbox. And Jack was too happy with Mac initiating something like that that he teared up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All things considering, they were doing alright. And Jack wouldn't have it any other way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No way around but through. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thoughts?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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